sans shadow,

there were twelve of us seated together. not the usual crowd of faces but i was comfortable enough. when the filipino-swedish girl next to me found a strand of hair on her order i immediately went to the back of the restaurant to have a word with the chef

one of my second year friends gave me a book recommendation when i came back to the table because apparently i reminded him of this feminist author who wrote about bengali freedom fighters during the sixties

it had been a long night so we came home & called over our favourite people

oh, i almost forgot to mention that the girl with long hair also said, ‘i thought you weren’t supposed to drink, isn’t it against your, you know’

& maybe that’s why the tequila didn’t burn my throat afterwards

Posted: 9 months ago

last night a girl with long hair said, “you are so funny, raisa” & i offered her an awkward smile after reaching for the serviette in front of me

my housemate (seated beside me) suggested i should do stand up comedy except i was too drowsy to respond to her sarcasm. i am funny when have i ever denied that?

i often buy a return ticket only to lose it upon reaching there & i often hope to find it again before my way back despite often knowing i probably won’t. but i often do a lot of things & i often grow familiar with being by myself even though outside doorsteps walls beyond walls beyond walls there are many

i am funny when have i ever denied that?

there’s never a solution just a breath of consolation; pain relief—
kind of like that unnaturally calming effect tiger balm has on your forehead during a migraine until the magic fades & there’s no one to receive the last encore

& after a few jokes, a few drinks, a few complaints about poor service i wondered if that’s how it feels to feel the feelings fade gradually

Posted: 9 months ago

But who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.

by Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood.

Posted: 10 months ago

a cloudy tuesday, sydney university. came here with two very dear people, one of whom needed to sort out paperwork for student exchange
we had italian at some restaurant resembling a victorian house from the nineteenth century. then coffee somewhere you could see stained glass if you looked up at the ceiling

exactly a week left until it’s time to pack again

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail

it is more mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea

love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive

it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky

by E.E. Cummings, love is more thicker than forget.